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Eye Art


I, autodidact - a comic novel contender for the Everyman-Bollinger 2021 prize. No pictures, but it has pretentions: to entertain, challenge, inform and beguile. Eye readers who enjoy history will be most especially pleased. Out on Amazon and Ebay (signed)

Eye Event
Eye Travel
Eye Theatre
Eye Property


Fully Furnished luxury 2 bed 2 bath lodge on Loch Ness. We seek other owner/occupier to purchase up to 50% shares in the limited company. (eg £37.5k + £1.5k pa would get you 3 months occupancy for 85 years) For further details, photos etc. email: lodgesharelochness@yahoo.com


Canterbury 2 bed end of terrace cottage 5 mins to Cathedral 5 mins main station. Ideal weekend retreat £320,000 freehold. More Info gordon@mrgordon.co.uk


LOAN REQUIRED! Commercial property entrepreneurs require £300k to purchase high yielding property. 1st charge given and potentially up to 10% return. commercialpropertybuyers365@gmail.com


Kindness Charity seeks building for fun projects like this... www.thekindnessoffensive.com thestartingoutcharity@gmail.com


Lanzarote To let short term 2 bed bungalow quiet location 10 mins Airport 10 mins Hospital rent negotiable Info gordon@mrgordon.co.uk

Eye Work


Help available! I can help with decluttering, driving, financial muddles, existential angst etc. Normal business devastated by Covid. Own car, Enhanced DBS Certificate. Central London. 07771 845265.

07771 845265
Eye Need


Trawler captain needed: I need a trawler driver to bring my 65ft converter Danish trawler houseboat from Fleetwood, Lancs, to Brighton Marina. Paid work, references needed. Movement in September or October. letters@ygdmedia.co.uk


Please help us raise money for our mother's medical treatment. www.gofundme.com/f/a-mothers-life fundly.com/a-mother-s-life paypal.me/pools/c/8sv1uMQtmt


Hoping to change the world? Interested in charity work? Trustees wanted for Lipman-Miliband Trust, socialist educational charity. Grant applications, thought-provoking meetings, occasional Spanish meals, travel reimbursed. Apply by 29 October, details at www.lipman-miliband.org.uk/join


Ancient lady cannot find affordable pad in the South. Philanthropic landlord needed!


Newcastle-shipwrecked metaphysical poet Andrew Tait will soon be getting his own website! In the meantime, many of his Newcastle Evening Chronicle poems may be accessed by Googling 'Andrew Tait' and 'Poem of the Day' on the various Chronicle archive websites such as Questia, Press Reader and Free Online Library.

Eye Love


Dear Scotland, Please don't go. I'm rubbish without you. Sorry about all the swivel-eyed loons. I'm trying to give them up. Love, England


Kundalini Awakening. Long term female partner sought by straight couple to join Arcanum journey. arcanumenergy1@yahoo.com


Lonely widow late 50s, just moved to North West, seeks intelligent lonely widower with whom to share appreciation of Private Eye humour (and other things). myplace321@hotmail.com

Eye Law


Yes, you can now come direct to a Barrister. Ring 020 7833 9625 or 07850 629 298 counsel@arnheim-law.com

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FAMILY & CIVIL LAW Solicitor £85 initial meeting (for however long it takes) www.bentisdallsolicitor.com


ContractStore.com: legal documents for business without the legal fees.

Eye Buy & sell


OLD CARS - Cash paid NATIONWIDE. Condition unimportant. Also valuation services. Tel John 07960 870446 Email: sales@villiersclassics.com

07960 870446


Thinking Twats' T-shirts Torso-enhancing t-shirts from: www.thinkingtwatstshirts.co.uk


Forget votes and debates, with us you’ll get great service and guaranteed lowest prices on TVs, Home Cinema and Hi-Fi. Plus, get £10 off purchases over £100 when you mention the code PE10 (T&C’s apply). Call 0333 900 0094 for your nearest store or check out www.richersounds.com and experience better today… RICHER SOUNDS – FINALLY SOMETHING WE CAN ALL AGREE ON!

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Welcome to the Shitshow! T-shirts, mugs and wall prints. www.themiserabilist.com


The Lovewell Series of novels by new author Sarah Stroud now available as Kindle via Amazon. A satirical look at the modern world as a disparate group of characters navigate love and life in Britain; just 99p each. Enquiries - sarahstroud787@gmail.com


Approximately 1000 issues Private Eye 1970s to present day. About 70kg. Offers invited. Located East Devon alexhill114@hotmail.co.uk


YORKSHIRE THE CASE FOR INDEPENDENCE A proposal by Steve Mullins. Incorporates: HS2, Levelling-up & a Unitary Authority. Buy now. ISBN 978-1-80031-899-1


Boris bog brushes comedic presents with head and body Boris. Have pleasure in making him do a U-turn by shoving him down the bend. Also Boris Bog Paper available at www.bogstandardshop.com

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Eye Services


Find Anybody - Worldwide Beneficiaries - Fraud - Lost Family 07773 788389 Email: jamesblackesq@gmail.com www.jamesblackesq.com James Black LL. B. Solving cases here since 1994

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THE GIFT OF A LIFETIME 'Treasured SoundTrack' Significant birthday/anniversary approaching? At a loss for a gift? Treasured SoundTrack is a professionally recorded, 36-minute interview, interspersed with their favourite music – the soundtrack of their life – on audio file, CD or Vinyl! Give a truly unique gift. www.wnsd.co.uk or info@wnsd.co.uk


Been Scammed? A Victim of Crime? Contact Carlton Huxley Ltd Legal & Law Enforcement Consultants. Evidence Gathering for Criminal & Civil Litigation. Tel 020 3239 5076 contact@carltonhuxley.com www.carltonhuxley.com


Speech looming? Relax, I'll write it for you. Don't waste time worrying. Lawrence 020 7118 1600 www.greatspeechwriting.co.uk

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Publicity for your book. Top publicity for your book or eBook to all press, book reviewers, Radio/TV book shows, online and book bloggers. Just £195. www.prforbooks.co.uk 020 7692 0707

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Are you an analogue leader in a digital world? Get private tuition from one of the UK's top digital marketing trainers and upgrade your digital knowledge now! Confidentiality assured. Email e9naro@yahoo.com for an information pack.


Have an Irish grandparent? Roots research for citizenship application. irishroots365@gmail.com


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Need a Maths or English tutor? Online tuition from £10 pw. brian@myowntutor-crawley.co.uk www.myowntutor-crawley.co.uk


1968 FILM GROUP - Stream & Download Our Films Here - www.vimeo.com/1968filmgroup/vod_pages


PR SERVICES Need personal or company profile raising? Reputational issues? New venture? Ex-national journalist can help. Discreet and competitive rates. 07759841863 james@brilliantrelations.com www.brilliantrelations.com

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Do you own the sole rights to a previously in-print, now out of print novel (not vanity)? Give me a call. 07775 784979

07775784979